Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
