Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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