mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
