it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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