pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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