I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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