I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
