she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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