Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
