can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
only if we run a train.
done.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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