They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
