I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
