That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
