the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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