I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
