I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bring money and cleavage
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
