Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
