I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
