im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
