thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
