yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
