he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
