just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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