Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
