I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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