I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
