just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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