he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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