If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
