the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
