I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize