We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
