My room smells like vodka and shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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