Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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