He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
