Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
