I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
did i just pee glitter
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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