you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize