She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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