and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
