dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
