he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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