Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You smell like stripper and shame
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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