Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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