Just cropdusted the office
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
