Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
