I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
