Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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