I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
