If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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