Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
