Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
