Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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