There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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