New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
