i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
