Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
