Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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