Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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