ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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