Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
