yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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