I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
