youre lurking in front of me
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
