So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
