I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
