six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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