Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
