i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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