I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
