me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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